Family Album

How we do Fall in the Nixon family, a videography:

Baby Einstein, Adult Morons

Let’s see if I can figure out the best example of stupidity in this whole Baby Einstein kerfuffle.

(In case you’re unaware, a group called the Campaign for Commercial-Free Childhood (CCCF) took issue with the Baby Einstein company [and Disney] because the company could not prove that watching its videos, alone, made children viewers smarter. Julie Clark [a Grosse Pointe native, incidentally] came out in defense of the product she created, acknowledging that, yes, the videos don’t magically make your kid smarter — you still might actually have to be a parent in order for that to happen. Now, under pressure, Baby Einstein is offering refunds to those who purchased the DVDs.)

How to find the best example of stupidity amid all this insanity? Can you help me decide? Please vote in the comments section:

- The parents who thought putting their children in front of a television for hours on end would actually make their kids smarter.

- The children’s activist group who had the courage to speak truth to idiocy by pointing out that, “This possibly can’t be so! Someone needs to be held accountable! Won’t someone PLEASE think of the children?!?!?”

- Julie Clark, for even wasting her time by responding to — and thereby legitimizing — such a ridiculous gripe from a group with a clear agenda who was obviously orchestrating the best publicity stunt since Balloon Boy.

- The Baby Einstein Company, for folding like a card-table chair under such freakishly lame pressure, and basically admitting, “Yes, our videos don’t make your kids smarter,” even though they never claimed to… AND offering financial recompense!

- The PR counsel to Baby Einstein, who are perfectly content to let the tail wag the dog, and who think that Baby Einstein somehow comes out looking good in all of this.

- The people who instinctively believe that they are entitled to a handout as compensation for decisions that they, themselves, freely make.

FULL DISCLOSURE: My stepson virtually grew up on Baby Einstein. Did I think he was absorbing valuable intelligence by watching these videos? Absolutely not. They served as a port in the parenting storm. Sometimes, you just need a little sanity when you’re raising two children under the age of 5. Baby Einstein videos provide that, in an environment that is not entirely mind-numbing frivolity. There are certainly worse children’s entertainment options out there, but Baby Einstein is NOT a substitute for parenting and other educational stimuli.

You’d think that would go without saying. Apparently not.

 

What’s in a Facebook Photo?

What does your Facebook profile pic say about you? There are several types and genres, of course. Which one is yours?

The Professional Head Shot

(Too much.)

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Look at me, I’m wacky!

Take THAT, modern society!

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I cropped out my a-hole ex!

He was a “D-bag,” but we took this one photo where I looked halfway cute, so it’s a keeper. Thank jeebus for Photoshop.

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What do you mean “cropped”?

Why can’t I get the box to line up right? Ah, good enough.

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Betcha can’t guess which one I am!

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I’m hot, get used to it.

When you stop wanting some of this, call me.

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Here’s what I do that makes me cooler than you.

I play bass. Nay, acoustic bass. That’s all you need to know….for now. (wink wink)

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I’m all about my pets.

I can’t think of a better way to tell the world, “I have no social life”…or interests…or friends, so my FB profile pic will have to do the talking for me.

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My kids define me.

If you don’t think this is cute, you’re a little bit dead inside, and I do NOT wish to be your FB friend.

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The “Just Plain Awesome”

’nuff said.

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The “This Background Was Too Damned Good to Pass Up (or Crop Out)”

“Do you think it will distract from the time stamp, Earl?”

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The Guy at Bar with Losers

You know where to find me, babe…with my boys and my brews. Out.

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Don’t Mess. Just Don’t.

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Homemade Cell Phone Glamour Shot

If people don’t like this photo, they’ll NEVER like me!

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Natural enough, but just plain random.

I can’t remember who took this photo or why, but it’s all I could find, so there.

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Nothing to Do with Anything.

I’m making a statement. About what, you’ll have to guess. I’m me, and if that’s not good enough for ya…

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Oh no, he didn’t.

Still looking…still looking. Dang it! WHERE is that photo of me at the rec center where I’m almost posing in ready position but really just standing there looking like a wuss? A-HA!

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The Photos by Deb Collection

Ummmmmm……yeah.

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Trying Too Hard

“I want my FB photo to say something. It doesn’t matter what, as long it’s different and I come out looking badass in the process.” (Check and check!)

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The “au Natural”

Wha? Wha? Oh, you took a photo of me doing absolutely nothing, completely naturally. I had no idea…it’s crazy. Well, since you have the pic, and sent it to me, I might as well throw it up on FB…I mean, if you insist. Cuz, really, I don’t care what pic is up there. Really, I don’t. (BTW, my dog is cute and, if you’re a babe, you should be melting by now.)

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Trying Too Hard

This says something clever. I’m sure of it. I will get back to you, though, when I figure it out. Something about Obama, and something about this guy being a jerk-face. I’m getting warm…

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You wish!

This is either a teenage boy, a spammer, an old maid, a deformed raccoon, or some sort of awesome joke that I’m too stupid to get. I’m tilting toward raccoon.

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If You Have to Ask…

…you’re already in too deep.

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More to come….

Balloon Boy Got Some ‘Splaining to Do

Dontcha just love when pop culture crosses paths with your life’s work? (NO!, repeats the dog.)

Too bad. The recent so-called “Balloon Boy” hoax provides a teachable moment with respect to blatant publicity ploys. As a PR professional, it is my job to separate the newsworthy wheat from the chaff of fluff, and to counsel  clients on ways to avoid being perceived as publicity hounds.

Here, then, is a sneak peek into some of the methodology I use to discern between a hoax and legitimate news:

1.) The subject at the heart of the story has appeared, or wishes to appear, on any single iteration or combination of Wife Swap, Help! I’m a Celebrity! Get Me Outta Here!, or Dancing with the Buffoons.

2.) The “star of the show” is willing to give multiple interviews from his/her home after the hour of 11 p.m. and into the wee hours of the morning.

3.) The main players in the story met in acting school.

4.) The lady doth protest too much. If they ask, rhetorically, “What could I possibly have to gain from all of this?,” go directly to hoax, and do not collect $200 at Go.

5.) There is some sort of UFO-looking, Jiffy-Pop-resembling, self-propelling aircraft involved.

6.) If the whole caper can be comically encapsulated with a catchy moniker, such as “Balloon Boy,” consider this a red flag.

7.) Even Larry King smells a rat.

8.) Tears are free-flowing. Then they’re not. Then they turn to animus. Then someone mentions, generically, “the children.”

9.) The interviewee repeatedly evades questions with the retort, “I talk only to Regis. Next.”

10.) A child is in danger. A life-and-death crisis is at hand, and time is of the essence. The first phone call is to the media. The second is to the FAA. The third, to Ghost Busters. THEN, the authorities.

11.) Projectile vomiting as a response to a direct question.

I hope this in some way provides perspective amid this crisis. Please consider printing this list and posting it in a public place for all in the company to see and adhere to.

Please, Courtney Cox. Tell Me What to Think!!!

Tired of under-educated Hollywood types preaching to you about how you should live your life, what you should think, and urging you to join the enlightened elite?

Then this parody video is for you!

Detroit vs. Hiroshima: 64 Years Later

This one is making the rounds via e-mail. Being a Detroiter, I thought it depressing but necessary to point this out pictorially.

As we all know, Hiroshima and Nagasaki looked pretty bad following World War II…

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Look at it today, 64 years later:

Remarkable what hardworking, determined people can do in 64 years, isn’t it?

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Now let’s take a tour of Detroit, 64 years after WWII:

Now ask yourself. Which city looks like it lost a war 64 years ago?

Keep on keeping on, Big D!

UPDATE: A reader complained in the comments section that, “The set of 10 current pictures does not show Hiroshima at all. The pictures were taken in Yokohama, a wealthy port city near Tokyo, some 670 km (420 miles) east of Hiroshima. Specifically, the pictures show the Minato Mirai 21 district, which is a part of Yokohama harbour redeveloped as a tourist attraction.” Wanting to keep my “integrity” in good standing (“As if you ever had any!” — my dog), I point that out. Of course, there is too much on my plate at present to fact check the fact checker, so let’s take him at his word. HOWEVER, the post was more intended as a commentary on Detroit than it was a documentary on Hiroshima and Nagaski. I think that was pretty evident. Detroit’s stagnation — nay, demise — since WWII is the real story, which the pictorial (that I pointed out was an e-mail forward) aptly demonstrates.

Re: Pistons Predictions

Go back and read this post about my predictions for the upcoming Pistons season.

Now read this article, an account of their most recent preseason game.

I know preseason games amount to less than zero, but the similarities are uncanny!

Miguel Cabrera Needs to Sit

Another day, another Debacle in the D. The latest, Miguel Cabrera’s now public run-in with his wife, the law and booze, has put the Detroit Tigers in a disastrous PR position. Play him or sit him?

Raise your hand if you condone/excuse any of the following:

• A team’s franchise player partying ’til all hours during a playoff run
• Drunken outbursts in public and at home
• Spousal abuse
• BACs of .26 or higher
• Complete disregard for your team, its success or the privilege of your profession (this means you, millionaires)
• Excusing unlawful, disgusting behavior for the sake of winning one baseball game

If you raised your hand, congratulations — you’re an insufferable cad. Or, you’re the Detroit Tigers.

No matter how many Cabreras play tonight, the Tigers are cooked. They can’t hit, and their pitching has escaped them. The Twins are destined (and have been) to win by very much to very little tonight. Even if the Tigers do the unthinkable and steal this game, the Yankees await. That wouldn’t be pretty either. So what is to be gained by playing Sir Drinxalot tonight? (I’ll give you a few moments to tally that up.)

Now, what can be lost?

But let’s also look at this simply from a PR standpoint. (BOR-ring, says my dog.) The first fatal flaw of any PR crisis strategy is pretending the crisis doesn’t exist. By playing Cabrera tonight, after already dismissing direct questions about the incident, the Tigers are, in effect, condoning (or excusing) his behavior. By sitting/suspending him, they are sending both him and the team’s publics a clear message — this behavior is not condoned, regardless of how much his playing would serve the team’s self interests.

No matter what they do, the Tigers have a PR crisis on their hands. This should not be about one game, one fatally flawed playoff run. If they win with him in the lineup, they still have lost. If they lose without him, they have at least taken an honorable position, for which many will applaud them.

PR crises of any kind must be met head-on. Ignoring them or failing to address them implies complicity. United Airlines and Domino’s are two recent cases that come to mind: one who ignored a crisis that ballooned out of control (the former), and one who faced the music directly and relatively quickly. It’s all about the message you are sending: not only how you respond to a crisis, but when.

The Tigers can send one of two messages today:

1. “Beating your wife in a drunken stupor and partying with the ‘enemy’ during the most important series of the season is excusable, as long as the party in question hits .300 or better.” (Would they have played Rayburn in the same situation?)
2. “There is no place on our team for those who are not committed to the Tigers, to winning, to baseball, to family and to the rule of law; and until Mr. Cabrera addresses his own personal issues, we will commit ourselves to winning without him.”

Your call, Tigers. And you only get one strike, I’m afraid.

Pistons Predictions

The last prediction I made in this space about the Pistons was that they would take one of two games on the road in an opening round playoff series against the Cavaliers. FAIL. Not only did they NOT take one in Cleveland, they got blown out in four straight games. So obviously I have earned the right to be regarded as a Pistons prognosticator…here goes:

The Pistons will win 47 games, good enough for the 7th seed in next year’s Eastern Conference playoffs.

This team will be fun to watch at times, and maddening to endure at others.

The up-tempo offense will score big against bad teams. But their lack of defense will be exposed against the upper echelon teams.

Villanueva will be a pleasant surprise to those who have not followed his game and development in his early NBA career.

Wilcox will take the mantle from Sheed and lead the team in technical and flagrant fouls. At the same time, he will provide sorely needed toughness on a team replete with finesse players.

I will be calling for a Rip Hamilton trade by week two, as it will be clear he can co-exist with Gordon no better than he did with Iverson. Their games will be mutually exclusive and we’ll be wondering how we can keep both players, and keep both players happy…or why we need them both.

Stuckey will convince us once and for all he is not a starting point guard in this league.

Tayshaun will start the season relatively strong, then fade after the All Star break. (I know, that’s going out on a limb.)

Will Bynum will dazzle, but we won’t be able to find the minutes for him.

Austin Daye will be this year’s Darko, and DaJuan Summers will be this year’s Ben Wallace / Jason Maxiell. Stud. (But too small.)

Gordon got game. (Offensively, at least.)

They will be better than most people (and “experts”) expect, but it will not be good enough to make any significant noise in the East, or the Central division.

I will once again be grateful that I forfeited my season tickets two years ago and got while the gettin’ was good.

Global Cooling Heats Up

This is rich. The alarmists are caterwauling over the inconvenient truth that the Earth is cooling, lamenting how this fact hurts their campaign to convince us that global warming will kill us all:

The world leaders who met at the United Nations to discuss climate change on Tuesday are faced with an intricate challenge: building momentum for an international climate treaty at a time when global temperatures have been relatively stable [ME: ACTUALLY, THEY'RE COOLING] for a decade and may even drop in the next few years.

The plateau [READ: COOLING] in temperatures has been seized upon by skeptics as evidence that the threat of global warming is overblown. And some climate experts worry that it could hamper treaty negotiations and slow the progress of legislation to curb carbon dioxide emissions in the United States [WHICH WOULD BE NECESSARY WHY, EXACTLY?].

Scientists say the pattern of the last decade — after a precipitous rise in average global temperatures in the 1990s — is a result of cyclical variations in ocean conditions and has no bearing on the long-term warming effects of greenhouse gases building up in the atmosphere. [SO, YOUR DECADE OF EVIDENCE, THE 90s, SHOULD SUPERSEDE THE CURRENT DECADE OF EVIDENCE...WHY, AGAIN?]

But trying to communicate such scientific nuances to the public — and to policy makers — can be frustrating, they say.

Er….you don’t say.

Jonah Goldberg at NRO sums it up pretty well, and pretty soberly, I might add:

Now I’m open to the possibility that the explanation for the cool spell we’re in is not a refutation of the general case for climate change. Climate is a complicated thing and we could be in a short cooling period in the middle of a long warming period. Or, we might not be. No need to rehash that whole argument here. But what I find absolutely galling is the failure of the Times or the scientists quoted to take seriously the possibility that the potential cooling period is an indictment of the tactics, rhetorical and otherwise, used by the alarmists. Ten years ago the models didn’t predict any of what has transpired or appears to be transpiring. They undermined their own credibility. And now that they want to communicate “nuance” instead of fear — solely because the data forces them to — they’re having a hard time of it. Well boo hoo for them.

Boo hoo, indeed. Lucky for the alarmists, they will be able to credit Dear Leader for turning back the rising tides and mercifully cooling our collective hides, even absent of policy enactment. You know that’s coming, right?